"Comfort" Cab Ride

taxi driver:
sheeshorfusorgulor…

Me:
sorry?

taxi driver:
aw! You don’t speak Chinese ah?

Me:
I do.. But not very well..

taxi driver:
you Chinese?

Me:
yes I am.

taxi driver:
you baba ah?

Me:
something like that. i'm nyonya. yes.

taxi driver:
orrrrrrrr!!!!!! Baba don’t say lah.. No good lah like that.. I tell you ah..
(I fell asleep at this point)

5 minutes later...
taxi driver:
you don’t complain ah.. I just tell you, you can call me anytime.. I give you my number.. I cannot afford to date you, but you can call me if you want.. But don’t complain ah! Don’t complain ok!

Me:
(yawn! Eyes still half shut) why? Are there people who complain?

taxi driver:
ah yah.. You don’t know lah.. I very scared people complain one.. You take my number lah. Your name is this one right? You call for the taxi.. Your number is here.

Me:
no, that’s not me.. My friend called for 2 cabs..

taxi driver:
oh.. So what’s your number? I give you my number, you call me lah.. So I have your number.. So that one not your name ah.. What’s your name?

Me:
Mary (sure, like I was going to give him my real name)

taxi driver:
mary ah.. Nice name.. You call me now.
(he gave me his number)

taxi driver:
you call me now

Me:
okok, you take the money first.. (I put the cash on a storage box top next to his seat)

taxi-driver:
call me lah..

Me:
(getting out of the cab at this point) okok, I’m calling (slam!) now!

Bus Cuss

How long does it take to clip your toenails? Strangely enough, some people can’t seem to find the time to do it at home, they have to do it on the bus. Well, what I saw a few days ago beats this. It was disgusting. But I just couldn’t turn away.



Picture this: Opposite aisle. attractive Chinese girl, 20s, rested her bare dirt-crusted feet on the seat in front of her. It was one of those seats which were facing each other. As my gaze drifted from her mould-like dull-green polished toe nails, to her face, I noticed she was cupping her mouth periodically. After a few seconds I realized what she was doing. She dug her ears, pulled her pinkie out, admired the gunk, played around with the flakes using the rest of her fingers, lifted her hands to her face.... and sniffed! This went on and on and on… She turned to look at me a few times when she noticed I was staring. But she nonchalantly continued with the clean up process. Her stop was one before mine. When she stood up, I immediately tilted my head to the other side, afraid that somehow, the residue might just make its way directly onto my face.

Everyone gets the natural build up of ear wax. But for fuck’s sake, have the decency to inhale it at home. Suddenly, public toenail clipping doesn’t seem so uncouth.